when you don’t like 99% of the cocktail list

And a glass of wine gives you a terrible migraine,

There is one liquor found in every bar that’ll make you look like a badass.

Drink vodka.  Drink it straight.  No ice.

If you must be fancy, get it with soda water and muddled mint.

“I’ll rather be drinking a buttery Chardonnay right now, but my 114lb body is too awesome to tolerate anything less than hard grain alcohol.”

That, my friends, is a woman to be feared.

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